Category Archives: Introspection

where did I go….

Well I’m still here, but unfortunately, last August I had to put my hours up at work and a few things fell by the way side… including my blog.  I’m going to try and catch up soon as I’m hoping that in the not too distant future, I will be working from home more.

Temporary tattoos

Well the tattoos have been a success, I just need to put together instructions and photos for uploading to my Etsy store.  The last few weeks have been rather overshadowed for me by the astounding goings on with UK politics.  52% of people in this country voted to leave the EU, although if you see some of the videos going around, you may realise that some of them didn’t know what they were voting for or understood the issues.  I personally voted to remain, being part of the EU was, in my opinion, beneficial to all of us.  Being a member of the Green party which is socialist by nature, having another body above our current conservative government (right wing) felt like having a safety net.  EU rules have done a great deal of good in protecting people’s rights, especially concerning minimum wage, maternity and paternity pay, and the working times directive.  I liked the idea of being part of a European community and I think isolation is a step backwards in this day and age.  The issues still aren’t settled and I don’t know what’s going to happen with Scotland and Northern Ireland who both voted to remain.  Perhaps they will leave the United Kingdom and this country will have a different name.  Being half scottish, I can’t help feeling that if this happens, we may go to Scotland but I guess we’ll have to wait for the dust to settle.

Reflections

Have you ever fallen in love at first sight?  Have you ever met someone and been poleaxed and known with absolutely certainty that this person, for good or ill, is going to have an important impact on your life?  It’s happened to me a few times. This poem was the second time.  It almost wrote itself and the words came straight out of the dark abyss of my subconscious.  I think you can tell that things were never going to work out well….

 

 

A Hand reaches out and disturbs the tranquillity, a pool ripples and then is still
She pauses to look within and sees a perfect reflection.

How on Earth could this be? When she looks, she sees he

She is the guardian of the gate, she has the heart of the warrior race,
She shows the world her strength, her courage.
She shows the world her love, her knowledge

But she built herself an ivory tower with bricks of fear and stones of pain.
Let me be free says she, but only she could build it and only she can tear it down.

I’m lonely says she, can’t she see that so is he?

As the stars shine down on each apart, no power will let them share their hearts
Yet each within them has the power, the key, the lock, to undo the tower.
Will they ever slay their fears? Will they ever shed their tears?
Fate has not yet had it’s say, but surely they must try one day.

I’m afraid says he, can’t he see that so is she?

But he built himself an ivory tower with bricks of fear and stones of pain.
Let me be free says he, but only he could build it and only he can tear it down.

Never crueller could fate be than to let them their reflections see.

He is the guardian of the gate, he has the heart of the warrior race,
He shows the world his strength, his courage.
He shows the world his love, his knowledge

Where on Earth will they find, the strength to let them be entwined?

A Hand reaches out and disturbs the tranquillity, a pool ripples and then is still
He pauses to look within and sees a perfect reflection.

 

New beginnings

It’s been an interesting year, and I seem to be coming out of a slew of negative energy, with me, my family and friends being ill, in some cases life threateningly, but we all survived.  I have a history of autoimmune disease and when I started feeling ill early in the year then started having problems walking I think we all thought that perhaps I had a new one.  It turned out to be a simple vitamin D deficiency (probably linked to my thyroid problems).  Simple I say, and only noticeably symptomatic for a few months, but since I’ve been taking the tablets, I’ve noticed symptoms I’ve had for years that were put down to my thyroid or my age disappearing.

I’ve been calling myself a Pagan for about 18 years as people need labels to categorise you but it’s a bit more complex than that.  I’ve always been interested in spirituality and religion, but about 18 years ago it sought me out.  I’ve been called a catalyst, a dwell point and a few less complementary things over the years, the Powers That Be seem to like using me to effect change, I’ve been a mirror for some people, although usually a passive action on my part. Perhaps this had been happening for longer, but this was when I noticed it.

Of course sometimes I happen to be on the receiving end.  I used to write, a lot. Journals, letters, poetry, stories but about 15 years ago I met a writer at a sci fi convention, who made me question why I did, possibly because he was the biggest knob head I’ve ever met, he was completely self obsessed and full of his own self importance. I stopped writing.

I started my business a few years ago to express my creativity, but somewhere along the line, I lost my passion and it became about creating things for people that I thought would sell.  I will still keep producing the “ephemera” as I think it still has a function and I just love the word.

Just as 15 years ago I had a profound but negative experience, I’ve recently had the complete opposite, I met an artist who inspired me, who held up a mirror and I’ve had a long hard look at myself and wondered how I ended up here. As much as I enjoy the art I create on the computer I feel disconnected from it. I don’t draw anymore, I don’t paint any more, I don’t write any more. I want to change that, I want to get out in the world and meet people and do things. I want to write, I want to paint, to create again. So I’d like to thank him, he may not be aware of the effect he had on me, he was after all just a mirror, but I’m thankful anyway,  so thank you my friend, it was an act of Human Kindness,  I hope the gift I gave you had value to you and I hope we meet again.  You’ve helped me get my mojo back.

Change can be scary, because we may feel safe where we are, we know what to expect and we think we know what’s coming.  When you open your heart and mind to change it makes the future less predictable.

We are influenced by the people we meet and the connections we make, so be nice to people, be aware of the effect your energy has on people.

I have signed up for a watercolour class – I can paint – but I thought it would be interesting to do it with a group.  I’ll let you know how I get on.

I have some ideas for mixed media images, words, painting and graphic art combined, I have a project I’m going to try and start this week so I will post on how I’m getting on.